Playing by Touch

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My fingers danced across my guitar, bathing me in sound.

“You sit so close with your hand on my cheek,

Whispers so soft, voice heavenly sleek,

I’ve never seen you, but I love you so much,

You can play things by ear, babe, but I’ll play them by touch.”

Chords rose and fell, like a gentle ocean. My ears were the boat. I let myself be rocked to and fro atop those waves. The guitar was my rudder, my fingers the sails that let me navigate the waters where I truly felt at home.

Somewhere in front of me, a crowd of people silently listened to my song. Occasionally a soft clink would reach my ears as someone set down a glass after taking a drink. Who they were, I had no idea. How big the crowd was, I didn’t know. Whether there were more men than women, or vice versa, whether they were watching at me enraptured or staring into space while my music played in the backgrounds of their minds, I didn’t care.

All that mattered was the woman I knew was sitting alone at a table in the far left corner.

I started singing again.

“Playing by touch, my hands give me sight,

They cling to you, hold to you, throughout the night,

This man without eyes, his heart you stole,

My fingers know your face, but my lips know your soul.”


My fingers played the last few chords without needing to be told what to do as I fixed my sunglass-covered eyes on where she was sitting. I was probably missing her by a good ten feet, but she would know. As the last note faded, the crowd began to applaud. I smiled, reaching out to feel the stand before carefully setting the guitar back into it, and got to my feet. My white cane was right where I’d left it. Running it gently from side to side in front of me, I made way down from the stage and through the restaurant.

“Are you really blind?” someone asked to my right.

“I don’t think he is,” somebody else muttered, as if I couldn’t hear them. “Just a gimmick.”

“You’re a regular Stevie Wonder, aren’t you?”

“How long have you been blind?

“How did you learn to play?”

“Watch out for—er, never mind.”

“Over here, Tad.”

I sighed in relief, locking onto that last voice. I was used to those kinds of questions. I couldn’t go hardly anywhere without being bombarded by them. That didn’t mean I had to like them, though. But that one voice was always welcome in my ears. I followed it through the jungle of noise, stopping when my cane tapped the edge of the table, and fumbled…well, blindly…for the chair.

“That was wonderful,” Melody said as I sat down. “I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.”

I smiled. “I wrote it about someone special.”

“Oh? And who might that be?”

“Your dad.”

That made her laugh, which never failed to get me laughing too. I tried to imagine what she must look like with that smile spread across her face, eyes filled with joy, but couldn’t. Every image I brought to my mind felt…inadequate for her beauty. Beauty I’d never seen, despite the year and a half we’d been dating, but I would never stop believing was there.

I held out my hand, and heard the scraping of glass against wood as she pushed my drink into it. A fruity cocktail, the kind of thing guys aren’t supposed to drink in favor of harder booze, but I hate what alcohol does to me. Walking when you can’t see is hard enough without sending your brain on vacation.

Up on stage, someone else went up to try their luck. They ignored the guitar, instead grabbing the microphone and belting out a horrible rendition of I Like Big Butts. He was obviously drunk off his ass, his words slurring together almost indecipherably, and soon the entire bar was roaring with laughter. Melody and I sat there in our corner, smiling and sipping our drinks. She had turned twenty one just three months ago, and Open Mic Night had become a weekly tradition.

I was resting my hand on of the table, and felt my heart flutter when she put hers on top. A whole year, and she could still do that. I loved her. Words couldn’t express how much that was true. Music came closer, but even that fell short. How the universe thought it was fair, giving such a wonderful woman to a man as broken as me, I had never understood.

The next hour went by slowly, one drink after another, one singer after another. Some were good, some were awful, and it was hard to tell which the audience enjoyed more. Finally, though, I felt Melody’s hand tighten around mine.

“Take me home, Tad,” she said softly.

I smiled and nodded, rising from my seat. I paid the tab—I could do that much, at least—and together we headed out into the chilly early evening. We found her car, and I climbed into the passenger seat with the ease of familiarity. Take me home, she’d said. She always said that. But, being what I am, it was always up to her to drive us places. She never complained, though.

“You’re safe to drive, right?” I asked softly.

“Of course I am,” she reassured casino şirketleri me. “Not everyone’s a lightweight like you.”

“Just for that,” I said with a grin, “I’m picking the radio station.”

“Oh, no, not the classic rock. Whatever will I—” I tuned the radio the loudest, most obnoxious static I could find, and could practically feel the look she gave me. “Seriously?”

She backed out, and soon we were going down the highway.

“Hey, these people are geniuses,” I said. “I love the way they rhymed xssdffgflkd with ghjwurjvmzna.”

She laughed again at that, and I fumbled to turn it to my favorite rock station, settling back in to enjoy the ride. The drive to my apartment took less than ten minutes, but that was hard to tell when you can’t see the clock or the scenery passing by. Even so, I could tell something was off by the turns she made. Going left when she should have turned right, straight when she should have turned left. It wasn’t until I she parked the car that I realized where we were.

“Your house?” I asked, perking up in surprise.

“How’d you know?”

“Where else would you take me that has a gravel driveway?”

She chuckled. “Touché, good sir.”

“Okay, but…why? Are you feeling okay? Do you need me to take an Uber home?”

Being…you know…I obviously couldn’t drive myself home from her place. I didn’t even own a car. That’s why, even though she always told me to take her home, she always dropped me at my apartment first.

Melody was quiet for a little bit, but then I felt her hand touch my arm. “I just thought, um…do you want to watch a movie?”

Something in her voice caught my attention. Hesitancy. Melody was a strong girl, confident in herself in all the right ways. Nervousness was not in her repertoire. Whatever was going through her head, it was enough to make her uneasy. Slowly, I nodded. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left her alone when she was so obviously out of sorts? We both got out of the car, and she took my arm to lead me up to the front door even thought I could have found it myself. The house she rented was a small place on a nice, secluded forest road. It took almost every cent she earned just to pay rent, but I knew she thought it was worth it to be away from the noise and chaos of the city. I didn’t disagree. I can’t tell you how many days I’d sat out on her porch with her, just listening to the birds sing. A type of music you never heard on the city streets.

We stepped inside, and the familiar scents of Melody filled my nose. The cinnamon rolls she had baked this morning. The perfume she wore so often that it always hung heavy in the air. Even the smell of her carpet, badly in need of a vacuuming, smelled pleasantly like her. It smelled like home, even though I’d never actually lived here a day in my life.

She left me on the couch, and a few minutes later another scent joined the others: popcorn. A piping hot bowl was set down in front of me, and I heard her sifting through her DVD collection at the other end of the living room. Soon, she was nestled in beside me, my arm around her shoulders, while the movie began to play.

Aladdin. One of her favorites. Melody might have been twenty one, but she’d never grown out of the Disney classics. I hugged her close, letting her rest her head on my shoulder. She knew this one was special to me, too.

I could remember what it looked like.

I haven’t always been blind, you know. Seventeen years ago, when I was only six, I’d been in a car accident. It had killed my dad, and I banged my head so hard against the window that when I woke up a week later in the hospital, my eyesight was completely gone. I’d learned to live with it, and it didn’t bother me anymore, but still…Aladdin was one of the movies I’d watched a hundred times as a kid. My eyes might not work now, but I could still picture each scene perfectly in my head as I listened to the words.

We watched in silence for about half an hour, only breaking that silence to laugh at a joke. Then I felt Melody shift a little under my arm, heard the remote click as she picked it up off the coffee table, and…

The movie turned off.

“Melody?” I asked in surprise. “Mel, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she whispered, snuggling back up against me. “I just…can you sing me that song again?”

I turned my face toward hers, even though I couldn’t see her. “The one I sang at the bar?”


“Of course.”

And so I sang. I didn’t have a guitar to provide music this time, but I don’t think Melody cared. My voice filled her house the way her scents and touch filled my head. I’d spent weeks writing that song, making sure each word, each note, was absolutely perfect. Nothing else would have been good enough for her. My precious Melody.

When I reached the chorus, she hugged herself even tighter against me. I could feel her heartbeat.

“Playing by touch, my hands give me sight,

They cling to you, hold casino firmaları to you, throughout the night,

This man without eyes, his heart you stole,

My fingers know your face, but my lips know your soul.”

She sighed, and before I knew it had pressed her face against mine. I jumped a little in surprise, but didn’t fight it. She was warm and soft, two things that a man who can’t see could always appreciate. Then, just as suddenly, she stood up, leaving me alone on the couch.

“I’ll be right back,” her footsteps telling me she was heading for her bedroom.

“Wh- Where are you going?” I called after her. She didn’t answer.

I sat there quietly, alone and confused, for almost five minutes. I strained my ears, trying to pick up some clue of what was going on, but I could hear nothing. My palms began to sweat. She was acting so strange. Was something wrong? Should I go check on her? What if she—

“Okay,” her voice pulled me back to reality. “I- I’m ready.”

There was something else in her voice now, but I couldn’t quite place it. Almost like…embarrassment? What did she have to feel embarrassed about around me? Even if she’d done something, goofed something up, she knew I couldn’t see it.

“Ready to start the movie?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said after a moment’s hesitation.

She sat down next to me again, and I didn’t waste any time in putting my arm around her shoulders once more. Something struck me as feeling…odd. When she didn’t immediately start the movie again, that only gave me more time to think about it.

It took me a second to realize that I could feel the skin of her arm when she’d been wearing long sleeves before. Was that what she had gone into her room for? To change her shirt? Why would that make her act so strange? My fingers trailed up her arm to the shoulder. Nothing. Was she wearing a tank top? In this weather? But my hand delicately traced even further, going toward her neck now, and still couldn’t find a hint of cloth. My heart began to beat harder.

No way…

Hardly daring to breathe, my hand began to go stroke back down her arm, and when I reached her elbow, I hesitantly moved it to touch her stomach. Sure enough, all I felt was more skin.

“Melody,” I said, hardly able to talk with my heart so far up my throat, “are…are you…naked?”

She leaned closer and whispered in my ear, “Tad, I want your song to be true. I want your hands to be your eyes tonight. I want them to see me like nobody ever has before.”

“You mean…”

She gently took my chin and turned my head to face hers, then kissed me tenderly.

“Yes.” Her lips were still so close that I could feel her smile. “I want you to make love to me tonight, Tad.”

My breath caught in my lungs. You have no idea how badly I’d wanted to hear those words. I never thought I would, though. Dating a blind man was one thing. Somewhere deep in my heart, I’d known she would break up with me someday. Who would want to have sex with somebody who couldn’t see you, admire you?

“Are you sure?” I whispered.

In answer, she stood up right in front of me. Taking my hands in her own, she raised them and placed them against her sides. Her hips, I realized.

Her naked hips.

“Go ahead,” she encouraged me. “Use your hands. See me, Tad.”

Hardly able to believe this was happening, I did as she said. Running my hands up her sides as delicately as I could, I felt her smooth, soft flesh beneath my palms. Melody sighed, shivering slightly. Up to her waist, then the sides of her chest. Just as my hands reached her armpits, I realized it was happening. I was feeling her shape, piece by piece. For the first time in the year and half we’d been dating, an image was forming in my head.

An image of her.

Slender, but not skinny. Just right. Perfect. Not that she wouldn’t ever have been perfect, no matter what I felt.

I ran my hands back down again, feeling the way her hips rounded. She shivered again, and I felt goosebumps rising over her skin. Like the world’s most erotic story written in braille. Slowly, my hands made their way down her right leg, wrapping around her calf as the mental image became more complete with every second.

Yes, I thought, caressing her foot before moving to the other leg. Yes!

Beneath the wonder of “seeing” my girlfriend for the first time, though, I was feeling something else, too. The beginnings of arousal were stirring inside me. And why shouldn’t they have? I was feeling up my naked girlfriend while she whispered how badly she wanted to make love to me.

My hand reached her hip a third time, and I paused. “Melody, c- can I…”

“You don’t have to ask permission, Tad. Not from me.”

Eagerly, yet still a little nervously, I stood up and pulled her close for a kiss. The way her naked form pressed up against mine only made the rapid hardening of my cock that much more obvious. While our tongues wrestled, my hands went around güvenilir casino to her back to continue exploring. It didn’t take a genius to know when I found her butt.

“Oh, Tad,” she moaned into mouth as I ran my palms up, down, and around the two firm, plump cheeks. The mental image grew clearer, attaching what I was feeling to the rest of her. Good God, I’d had no idea my girlfriend had such an amazing ass!

She was moving now, I realized. Not enough to break our kiss, but enough that I could feel…something…rubbing me through the fabric of my shirt. Two somethings, actually. Realization nearly made me choke on Melody’s tongue, even while she sighed blissfully at the friction she was making between us.

More! I needed more! Leaving her butt alone—for now, anyway—I trailed my fingers up her spine. It was marvelous. Resting my hands against her back, I couldn’t believe how clearly I could feel her muscles shift with every slight movement she made. Soft and smooth, yet somehow firm as well.

Then Melody broke the kiss, stepping back and taking my hands again. “Tad…”


“I want you to see me,” she said, raising my hands toward her again. “All of me.”

Two soft mounds of flesh touched my palms, and I jumped a little when I realized what they were. Tentatively, I wrapped my fingers around them, making Melody coo in pleasure. Yes…Just like everything else about her, they were just right. I pressed against them, feeling the nipple poking my hand, and began to gently knead them in slow circles. Melody arched her back to push them even further into my hands. I ran my right hand down a little, not taking it off, until I could grip the nipple between my finger and thumb.

She jumped a little. “Not so hard.”

“Sorry,” I whispered.

She leaned in and kissed me. “It’s okay. Just be gentle. They’re sensitive.”

Sensitive, huh? An idea came to me and, while I continued to fondle her, I slowly leaned my head forward. It was awkward, not being able to see exactly where my face was heading, but I used my hands as guides. When I felt my lips brush the back of my left hand, I slowly took it away, and…

“Oooh, Tad!” Melody moaned as my tongue ran over her nipple for the first time.

My lips tightened around her tit. The taste was intoxicating. Just knowing that I was sucking on my girlfriend’s breast was enough to harden my boner to painful levels. The way she moaned as my tongue flicked this way and that, teasing her nipple, feeling it grow firmer by the second, was sweeter music to my ears than I could ever make.

That left me with one free hand, though, and one part of her that I still didn’t have a picture of. Putting that hand on her smooth, soft tummy, I gently ran my fingers down, feeling the dimple her belly button made in her otherwise smooth flesh. Lower. Her breathing began to get heavier in anticipation. My fingertips brushed a small, trimmed patch of hair. A little lower, and…

There. Even if I hadn’t known what I’d found by the heat and the slick wetness, the way Melody let out a gasping moan would have tipped me off. Her pussy was warm to the touch. My index finger found a little nub of flesh, almost like a nipple but smaller, that made Melody squirm when I brushed it. I ventured a little further down, feeling the way her slick flesh began to part a little at my touch.

And just like that, my fingertip slid into her.

Melody bucked suddenly, startling me, but put her arms behind my head and held me close so I couldn’t go anywhere.

“Mel?” I asked nervously. “Are you—”

“Sorry.” She sounded out of breath. “You just made me cum a little. That’s the first time anyone has ever touched me there.”

“Do you like it?” I breathed.

“Yesss,” she said, leaning in to start licking and nibbling on my throat. “Please, keep going.”

I did as she said, sliding a little more of my finger into her eager opening. The moist walls seemed to clench down on it, begging me to touch all of it at once. I drew the finger out, making her moan, and then added another. Slowly, I worked them further into her pussy, waiting for her to tell me I’d hurt her, or gone too far, or something. She didn’t, though, and soon both my fingers were buried up to the knuckle inside her.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Tad,” she whispered in my ear. “To be with you like this. But you never asked, never made any kind of advances. I was starting to think you…didn’t want me.”

I froze, fingers still inside her, and pulled my mouth from her breast. “Didn’t want you? Nobody on earth would be stupid enough not to want you!”

“Then why haven’t you…”

“Because you’re the one who shouldn’t want me!” I insisted. “I know what I am, Mel. I’m broken. Damaged goods. Why you’ve wasted even a year of your life with me, I’ll never understand. I know I don’t deserve you. You deserve someone who isn’t…”


I didn’t know what to expect next. Surely I had just, if nothing else, completely ruined the mood, right? She was going to pull away, go get dressed, and offer to drive me home. I’d be lucky if she didn’t break up as soon as we got there. I sighed. At least I had gotten to experience this, at brief as it—

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