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It’s Friday night and I’m back in town from Pittsburgh. I have homework that I should be grading, but instead I opt to stop and have a drink at Top Shelf. I know I shouldn’t go. It’s presumptuous to think that Gabriel and I are anything more than a one night stand, but damn that night was so good until I can hardly stay focused on anything else. Even still I make up my mind to temper my expectations, I even open the door for the possibility of hooking up with someone else.
I decide on tight jeans, heels, and a diaphanous halter top that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. I make it to the bar, but Gabriel is nowhere in sight. I’m disappointed, but determined to enjoy my night just the same. I nurse my drink for over an hour before a cute guy buys me another. His name is Dell and he as boring as dishwater, but I’m just on the edge of being tipsy enough to not give a fuck.
Of all the bars in the city, 22 others to be exact, she decides to come to mine and flirt outrageously with some straight laced dude in a suit. I’m pissed and I know I have no right to be. She’s a free agent. She can flirt with and fuck whom ever she damn well pleases but damned if my dick isn’t hard and my blood boiling. I see her making a move to leave from my closed caption screen. I see the suit paying the tab and I know it’s stupid on my part but the thought of her legs wrapped around anyone else fills me with fury. I quickly make my way downstairs to play a part I never thought I’d have to play: a cock blocker. But for her, I’ll be just that.
I reach out touching her around her waist before she can walk out the door. I’m breathing hard, my fury barely contained when I ask with more nonchalance than I feel, “You leaving already?”
“No, not when I have a reason to stay.”
“Hey, the suit says, what the fuck is going on here?”
I pull Nova inside to stand behind me. “You’re leaving and the lady is staying, that’s what the fuck is going on here or do we have a problem?”
“No, bud we’re good,” the suit says. I can literally hear the blood in my ears as I drag Nova up the stairs slamming the door behind us.
“Why did you come here?” I ask. She doesn’t answer. “Nova, why did you come here?” I ask again, barely containing my anger.
“I came because I wanted you but you weren’t here. I was disappointed and I realized I had no right to feel that way. I had no right to have any expectations, no right to want you or to think that you wanted the same and I felt foolish-“
I don’t give her time to finish her thought before my lips are on hers; hungry and demanding. We break the kiss to come out of our clothes desperate for the contact of flesh against flesh. I suck her nipples into my mouth, run my hands down her body but it’s not enough. I need to be inside her. I reach between us to make sure she’s ready for me and she is soaking wet, but I still hold back stretching her with two fingers. I don’t want to hurt her, but my control is hanging on by a thread.
“Now, Gabriel, please!” Nova screams and that’s all it takes for my control to snap. I push her back until she is seated on my desk then I thrust inside of her to the hilt. My forehead is against hers, our eyes are locked with each other’s, my hips piston and Nova meets me stroke for stroke. She reaches for me pulling me into a kiss just as I start to feel the contractions of her orgasm milk my cock. My lips lock with hers desperate for something to anchor me, but it’s too late. I’ve already taken the plunge, falling helplessly and hopelessly for the pretty girl with the sad eyes.
I lie in bed with my head on Gabriel’s chest, my legs entwined with his basking in the afterglow up bahis firmaları until my stomach makes the most undignified protest.
“Jesus, woman when was the last time you ate?”
“It’s been a while, I guess.”
“I guess I should feed you since I’m not nearly done with you yet.”
“So you’re telling me you actually know your way around a kitchen?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you, who do you think created the menu in the bar? I actually incorporated what used to be my food truck into a brick and mortar after my pops died.”
We enjoy easy conversation while he chops and preps to make chorizo omelettes with English muffins. I get to talk about my work and pick his brain on who he consulted for his business. I’m surprised to find out he studied and pulled off the success of the place on his own, which leaves me genuinely impressed.
I also convince him of the merits of bookkeeping software and my recommendation of the best kind for his business, because that desk is a mess. I also told him I could recommend a great accountant for a trade.
I’m also surprised and pleased to learn that he doesn’t live over the bar and hasn’t since he was in college. “It’s more an office than a home, but when I fill in on late shifts or work doubles it’s a lifesaver. His real home is actually about 3 miles from my condo.
We talk until we hear the music stop downstairs and see his employees on screen closing and locking up the bar. We lie together in easy silence. While he draws swirls across my skin that make me shiver I trail kisses across his torso that make his breath catch. I trail kisses lower across the heaviness of his shaft that I follow with my tongue.
I never cared much for sucking dick, but with Gabriel I crave it. I crave the sounds he makes, his restraint, his taste. He demands everything and I deny him nothing as I take him to the back of my throat. When he starts to fuck my throat I can’t stop the moans that escape me.
“You like having my cock down your throat? Such a good slut. You want my cum baby?”
I can only moan my answer.
“Touch yourself, let me see how wet you are.”
I moan in desperation at the contact. I’m soaked. Wetness is dripping down my inner thighs.
“God, you’re so hot! I want you to cum with me. Make yourself cum baby.”
I don’t need any additional invitations. I’m on fire. I rub my hand from my clit to my slit pushing three fingers in with ease. I’m so close my movements are frantic as my clit rubs across my palm.
“I’m there baby, cum for me!”
I feel the jets of his cum down my throat, hear his moans of bliss and it’s enough to catapult me into my own orgasm. I feel like I’m floating outside of my body. I’m so relaxed I feel like I’m high. I can feel Gabriel pull me up to lie across his chest, then wrap me in the cocoon of his arms. I must have passed out because I don’t remember anything after that.
I wake up to the smell of coffee, bacon, eggs, and French toast. I don’t even pretend that I’m not hungry because the sounds of my stomach would make a liar out of me.
“Ugh, what time is it?” I ask as I pad across the room wrapped in blankets.
“So you’re one of those people, huh? I knew there had to be a flaw.”
“I’m actually late today. I usually wake up around 4:30 or 5:00 every morning.”
“What can you possibly need to do at 5 in the morning?”
“I usually exercise for about an hour or so. I drink coffee, I make plans, I make deposits, I can go on. When do you usually get up?”
“Not before 10 if I can help it. My classes are online and most of my business consults are initially done online so kaçak iddaa I sleep in pretty often.”
“Come eat while I clean up”
“Aren’t you going to eat?”
“Nah, I’m usually a coffee and protein shake type of guy. But you need to eat, you’re too thin.”
“First time hearing that, ever.”
“I’m not complaining but you tapped out on me last night. I mean I had to high five myself!”
“My God what a big ego you have!”
“And a big dick, don’t ever forget the dick,” he laughs while dodging the oven mitt I’ve thrown at his head.
We shower together which leads to another round of lovemaking. We slowly explore each other with kisses and licks that lead to moans and soft sighs. I feel remade, but there is a tightness in my chest in the aftermath. Amazingly enough, Gabriel can sense the shift in my mood.
“Hey, look at me, tell me what’s going on in the gorgeous head of yours?”
“I get why he did it. Ryan. I was comfortable with him sure, but we were never like this. To be honest I put him on the back burner of my life. I was always on a flight, taking care of my business, speaking at universities. My career came first. We’d been engaged for 2 years and I hadn’t even picked out wedding colors. He complained, but I chose not to hear him because I wasn’t willing to sacrifice anything to make it work. In fact, if he would have given me an ultimatum I would have chosen my career.”
“Him cheating doesn’t hurt nearly as much as who he cheated with. Felicity was my best friend since the 4th grade, every hurt and every joy of my life she’s been there. Being here with you I realize that my pride was hurt over Ryan, because he chose the ending not me. But my heart, my heart is broken over her. Here I am with this really amazing guy and I don’t have a single person to tell it to.”
“Hey look at me, you can’t blame yourself for this. Everything you said may be absolutely true, especially the part about the amazing guy, but guess what? Either of them could have spoken up and said something. Yes, it still would have hurt but you shouldn’t have had to walk in on it to find out about it. At some point you’re going to need to read those 117 unread messages in your phone. You’re going to have to face both of them and deal with what you’re feeling.”
“I know. But I just don’t want to have to listen to all the ‘I’m sorry or the I never meant to hurt you’ bullshit. It’s all too little, too late at this point.”
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But understand this: the ball is in your court. If you decide to meet with them you set the tone. You aren’t obligated to grant absolution to either of them. Do this for you. And just know if you need me to be there, I’ll be there.”
It takes me a few weeks to read the text messages and process my feelings over the content. My emotions go from sadness, to hurt, to anger as more and more details are revealed and the timeline of their betrayal becomes more clear.
It helps to remind myself that their betrayal brought me to this space with this person who makes my very existence exponentially better.
Finally I send a group text that reads: “Meet me at Sylvan’s Bistro, Saturday at noon. The table will be reserved in my name.”
I arrive on Saturday to find both Ryan and Felicity sitting quietly at the table, neither is talking and anxiety is written clearly across their faces. I order water from the waiter and we all agree that menus aren’t necessary. I am the first to break the silence.
“I honestly didn’t know who I would be when I finally saw the two of you again. I thought about being the person who puts on a face pretending that my life over the past 5 months kaçak bahis has been great. I would pretend to be really happy and unaffected, but I realized both of you know me too well for that to work and I’m not here to make either of you feel better or worse about what you did. I’m here so I can say what I need to say to put the burden of this pain down and move on with my life.”
They both look uncomfortable, but no one interrupts me.
“So I’ll catch you both up by giving you the condensed version of my life over the last 5 months. I drank too much, I ate too little, I cried a lot, and when I got sick of crying I drank some more. Then I got angry and I exercised to the point of exhaustion so I wouldn’t listen to the thoughts in my head that said I should kill you both. Then finally when I got a little bit of an appetite back I tried to eat, but the weight of losing my two best friends created a lump in my throat so big I couldn’t swallow. Alcohol went down easier so I stuck with that.”
The tears start to fall now and I do nothing to quell the downpour.
“I kept trying to figure out what I did wrong, and I beat myself up for months racking my brain until I realized that it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, that you two had so many opportunities to say something, anything before it came to me walking in on you two together as if I were the interloper in my own house.”
I pause to take a sip of water before speaking again.
“Then one day I go to a bar because I’m tired of feeling sad and numb. And of course I want to get drunk but more than that I want to feel alive instead of hollowed out and dead inside so I decide that I’m going to fuck some random guy because I need to erase you, I say as I look at Ryan, from my body, my heart, and my mind, and my home that the two of you decided it was okay to fuck in.”
“That random guy turned out to be pretty amazing, and patient, and understanding and I almost messed that up because I had minimized him to just a fuck because I couldn’t make room for him in my life or my heart because I couldn’t let go of this.”
Felicity finally speaks tears streaming down her face, “For what it’s worth we’re both so sorry. We never meant to hurt you.”
“I believe you, but let me ask you something? You sat with me at my grandmother’s funeral, you sat with me at my father’s funeral. I thought you would stand next to me at my wedding, I thought you would christen my children, I thought I would do the same for you. So you tell me, what is sorry worth?”
We sit for a few moments in silence, heavy with regret. “Are you two even together?” I ask.
“No,” they both answer in unison.
I laugh mirthlessly, “I thought I would feel better knowing that, but honestly it feels worse. At least if you were together me being sacrificed as collateral damage would have made sense, now it’s just for nothing.”
“If you can work it out, then you should. There was intimacy between the two of you when I walked in. I couldn’t miss it. There’s no point in letting guilt keep you apart and in any case, retroactive loyalty is pointless.”
I stand up, drying my tears. “So to answer your question, yes I’m okay. Some days I’m good, some days I’m not, but I have a feeling that will change after today because I can honestly say that I forgive you.”
“Nova, I love you,” Felicity says quietly.
“I love you too, both of you. Take care of yourselves,” I say as I place the ring I pull from my pocket on the table in front of Ryan.
I walk away feeling as though a weight has been lifted from my spirit when I am startled from my thoughts by a strong hand grasping mine. I turn and look up into the most beautiful steel blue eyes I’ve ever seen. “I told you, you didn’t have to come,” He pulls me close, cradling my blotchy face in his hands and delivers a kiss to my forehead. “but I’m so glad you did.”
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